


I Hate You; I Love You.

by bugiiwonderland (orphan_account)



Series: Optimus and his favorite Secret Agent. [2]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, basically this is a crack fic, lame attempts at sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22303576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bugiiwonderland
Summary: Optimus ❤️I miss you.Agent Kim ❤️I miss you too.Optimus ❤️I miss touching your chest...Agent Kim ❤️Out of nowhere?Optimus ❤️The feeling of my fingertips against your delectable tanned-skin…Agent Kim ❤️Here we go againOptimus ❤️The electrifying feeling from your skin to my lips as I draw maps on your chest...Agent Kim ❤️Is that how Raichus feel when they procreate?
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Kim Jonghyun | JR
Series: Optimus and his favorite Secret Agent. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1617403
Comments: 24
Kudos: 49





	I Hate You; I Love You.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for everyone who loved and supported [Chasing Optimus ❤️](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21870202)  
> Thank you so much guys, reading your comments made me so happy and it healed me too. ILY ❤️
> 
> Inspired from [one of nufics prompt idea dump](https://twitter.com/nufics/status/1213343067555520513?s=20) Thank you for letting me borrow this guys ❤️  
> Title's from [Gnash and Olivia O' Brien's song, I Hate U, I Love U](https://open.spotify.com/track/7vRriwrloYVaoAe3a9wJHe)❤️
> 
> Ps: I don’t know how sexting goes & i suck at trying to even write smut so, let’s just laugh this off.

**Optimus ❤️**

I miss you. 

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I miss you too. 

**  
Optimus ❤️**

I miss kissing you 😔

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I miss kissing you too 😣

**Optimus ❤️**

I miss touching your chest...

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Out of nowhere?

**Optimus ❤️**

The feeling of my fingertips against your delectable tanned-skin…

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Here we go again 

**Optimus ❤️**

The electrifying feeling from your skin to my lips as I draw maps on your chest... 

  
  


**Agent Kim ❤️**

Is that how Raichus feel when they procreate?

**Optimus ❤️**

Leaving my marks as you moan underneath me, your nails digging on the flesh of my back...

  
  


**Agent Kim ❤️**

I’m calling Agent Choi to bring you some chamomile tea. 

—————

**Optimus ❤️**

How are you doing baby?

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Good, before you called me ‘baby’.

**Optimus ❤️**

😢  
  


**Agent Kim ❤️**

I love you Hyun-ah, but you calling me with endearments doesn’t give me sexual feelings. 

**Optimus ❤️**

But baby...

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Definitely not working, Hyun-ah.

Try again next time. 

—————

**Optimus ❤️**

How’s Junior? 😛

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Slick with sweat.   
  


**Optimus ❤️**

What?!

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I just finished my daily forty-five minute run. 

—————

**Optimus ❤️**

Read this love 🤗

https:///www.medicalnewstoday.com/articlesmasturbatingisgoodforthehealth/60809.kr#takeaway

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Ok

**Optimus ❤️**

Did you read it?

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I did  
  


**Optimus ❤️**

So, in conclusion: Mastubating and Sexting is good for the health! 🥰

  
  


**Agent Kim ❤️**

I see. ****

**Optimus ❤️**

How about we try it now and see it’s effects? 😏

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I’m in a meeting with your dad.   
  


**Optimus ❤️**

Dad’s there?!

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Yup. I’ll let him know that you’re doing a great job researching the health benefits of masturbating and sexting. I’m sure he’ll be proud. 

**Optimus ❤️**

Jonghyun!!!!

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Oopsies, already told him. 

He’s proud and told me to tell you that you should prepare a presentation about that on the next Youth for Summit meeting. 😘

**Optimus ❤️**

Agent Kim Jonghyun!

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Goodluck on preparing Optimus-ssi,

I’ll be cheering on you. 

Ps: I love you. 😘

—————

**Optimus ❤️**

You know, it wouldn’t hurt if you just give in and give it a try.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Are we still talking about nachos and dips?

**Optimus ❤️**

You know what I’m talking about, Jonghyun.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Well, in my opinion, guacamole is a great alternative to tomato salsa. 

**Optimus ❤️**

Jonghyun. 

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Pesto is good too. You haven’t tried that, right?

We should try that when I get back. ❤️

**Optimus ❤️**

How about we try something else? 👅🍆💦

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Hummus?

**Optimus ❤️**

Jonghyun.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Minhyun.

**Optimus ❤️**

Are you really going to be like this?

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Yes. 

**Optimus ❤️**

Let’s break up then.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

That’s not a funny joke, Minhyun. 

**Optimus ❤️**

Who says I’m trying to be funny?

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Minhyun. 

**Optimus ❤️**

That won’t work on me, Agent Kim.

I mean it. Let’s break up.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Just because I’m not allowing us to do sexts?

**Optimus ❤️**

Yes.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Do you know how childish this sounds, Minhyun?

**Optimus ❤️**

I don’t care.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I do.

**Optimus ❤️**

Yet you wouldn’t do it with me. 🥺

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I’m not doing it with you because our relationship is more than just sexting, Minhyun. 

We didn’t even have sex yet, so why should we do this first?

**Optimus ❤️**

But you’re away

**Agent Kim ❤️**

I’m on last week of training, I’ll be back in five days. 

  
  


**Optimus ❤️**

But, I need you now.

**Agent Kim ❤️**

You’ll survive. 

**Optimus ❤️**

I can’t 

**Agent Kim ❤️**

You can, love. 

You survived almost a month without me giving in to your sexts, and survived six months of us dating and not having sex. 😘

**Optimus ❤️**

Jonghyun… please..? 🥺

**Agent Kim ❤️**

.......

**Optimus ❤️**

I really need you right now...

**Agent Kim ❤️**

.......

**Optimus ❤️**

Please...

**Agent Kim ❤️**

.......

Fine. 

  
  


Minhyun almost falls off from his bed as he re-reads Jonghyun’s text. Did Jonghyun just really fucking finally give in to him?

**Optimus ❤️**

Wait, really?

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Lock your door. 

  
  


_Jonghyun really did._

Minhyun immediately pads to his bedroom door and locks it.

  
  


**Optimus ❤️**

Locked it

**Agent Kim ❤️**

Take off your shirt.

**Optimus ❤️**

Done

  
  


Jonghyun calls him and he immediately answers the call. 

“I can’t believe you really gave in,” he greets and he hears a deep sigh coming from Jonghyun. 

“You gave me no choice when you texted me with a _‘please’_ ,” Jonghyun sighed in a deep voice and it sends shivers down his spine, “are you ready?” 

“Y-yeah,” 

“Imagine I’m next to you right now,” He does what Jonghyun’s says and nods, “imagine my hand traveling on your chest, slowly, gently, as my lips trail kisses on your lips, your jaw, your neck…” 

“God, I really need you right now,” he murmurs as his hand travel to his chest down. 

“So do I,” Jonghyun rasps, “touch yourself Minhyun-ah, imagine that’s my hand touching you, as my tongue… licks you?” 

“ _Jonghyun._ ” He groaned, opening his eyes. Jonghyun chuckles on the line and he groans louder. 

_Great. Now the mood is ruined._

“Sorry,” Jonghyun laughs and he sighs. 

“Let’s do it again,” He orders stubbornly, closing his eyes and hears Jonghyun hum on the line. 

“Imagine my lips traveling on your neck, nipping, leaving trails of kisses to your ear,” he moans in answer, “my hand travel to your chest, to your waist, squeezing it…” 

_“More,”_ he moaned in pleasure, squeezing the skin on his side, imagining that Jonghyun is the one doing it.

“I want to ride you so bad, Minhyun,” Jonghyun whispered languidly. 

“Yes…” he answered breathlessly, “ride _Minhyun Junior,_ Jonghyun-ah,” 

And just like that, the line is filled with Jonghyun’s annoying laughter—completely ruining the mood. 

_“I hate you.”_

“I love you too, Minhyun-ah,” Jonghyun said in between fits of laughter, “take a cold shower, that would help calm _'Minhyun Junior’_ down.” 

—————

  
  


_Sexting_ is never really something he and Jonghyun can do, especially when his _virginity,_ sadly, is still intact. Add to that sad fact, is that no matter how much he tries, it always ends in a comedic failure.

But you see, giving up is not in his vocabulary. And though he failed multiple times, with Jonghyun rejecting his attempts, but that never hindered him from trying again, especially when his Secret Service Agent boyfriend is away for a month-long training to supervise the neophyte Secret Service Agents. 

Because one, even if he’s a virgin and was (take note: _was)_ adamant on protecting his virginity (before), he actually masturbated (countless times). 

Masturbating isn’t a sin, in fact, masturbating is actually good for the health. It reduces the risk of getting prostate cancer, and is also good for the mental health as studies show that it can: 

  * _reduce stress_
  * _release tension_
  * _enhance sleep quality_
  * _boost concentration_ \- which he really needs due to Jonghyun being away.
  * _elevate moods_ \- which he also needs, especially as of the moment because Agent Kang told him that he’s being too cranky lately on Seongwu (Seongwu deserves it though, especially when the younger man laughed at him after finding out that Jonghyun and him still haven’t had sex and his failed attempts at sexting.) 
  * _Improve sex_ \- which he definitely needs (again) in the future, when Jonghyun fucking finally gives in and remedies his virginity. 



So, all in all: _masturbating_ is good for the health; both _physically_ and _mentally._ And thanks to his efforts of gathering knowledge on the benefits of masturbating and sexting, he finally, _finally_ , was able to convince Jonghyun and now are on their third attempt to make this successful. 

Now for the last step, checking on Agent Kwak and Choi if they’re finally doing their ‘ _nightly duties’._

He opens his bedroom door and checks what the two agents are doing. He sees the living room empty but hears muffled noises of TV from the room adjacent to his, and takes that a sign that they won’t be disrupted tonight like the last time. 

_Good._

He locks his bedroom door, and double checks it just to make sure that it is really locked and turns on the music application on his iPad. 

He browses among the _sex playlists_ that he saved on the app and chooses among the songs as he switches of the lights and lights a candle to keep the mood, flowing. 

He plays _Trey Songz’s Slow Motion_ and feels the music. 

Nice, but too casual. Definitely not him and Jonghyun. He clicks to the next song and grimaces when _Miley Cyrus’s Party in the U.S.A._ plays.

How can this song even be considered as a sex song?! He hits the next button and continues to hit it until he reaches another Miley Cyrus song. He groans in annoyance as _We Can’t Stop_ fills his bedroom.

Well, atleast this can be counted as a sex song and is actually better than _Party in the U.S.A._ , but still, this is not him and Jonghyun. 

Feeling disappointed, he lies on his bed and groans, covering his face with his arm. 

_Why is everything have to be so fucking hard._

He hears his phone ring and he sighs, taking it from his side table, he answers the call disheartenedly. 

“Jjuya,” he whines, “I can’t find the perfect song for _us._ ” He hears the older man chuckle on the line and he groans. “This isn’t a laughing matter, Agent Kim, I’m freaking serious and getting annoyed.” 

“I noticed.” Jonghyun answers in his usual teasing tone that he misses to hear face to face. “How was your day, _Optimus?”_

“Irritating.” he snaps, sounding like a kid throwing a tantrum. Jonghyun laughs again and he sighs. 

_Lil Wayne’s Lollipop_ then plays and Jonghyun’s chuckles. “Nice.”

“I swear whoever made this playlist needs to reflect on his life.” 

“Just because you can’t find a perfect song to set the mood?” Jonghyun teases and he rolls his eyes. 

“Did I tell you how much I hate you?” 

“You did,” Jonghyun answers amusedly, “twenty-one times for the last thirty days.” Minhyun hears the sound of a door closing on the line and he frowns.

“Did you just get in your room?” 

“Hmmm, yeah.” 

“Was training hard today?” He asks worriedly, remembering how Jonghyun was so tired last night that he fell asleep in the middle of their video call.

“Not really...” 

“But..?” He asks, getting more worried. 

“But, I think the training after this call will deplete my energy.” Jonghyun answers with his usual playful tone, and that irks him. Just imagining Jonghyun talking in that playful manner with his signature sweeping-you-off-your-feet smirk on his lips in front of those Secret Service Agent trainees irritates him to death. It doesn’t help that Baekho and Taeyong (the little shit agent that Jonghyun is best friends with) teased him so much on how the trainees are all fawning over their trainer and that one-fourth of the trainee class definitely has a crush on his boyfriend. 

“For someone who kept complaining on training these so-called demon sprouts, you sound too optimistic.” he states. 

“Ooohhhh… is this the green-eyed-monster talking again?” 

“Shut up.” 

Jonghyun clicks his tongue in a reprimanding way and he immediately apologizes, “You know, I’ve been noticing how you’ve been cranky on me lately.” 

“I’m sorry.” he says, feeling guilty. He’s really been cranky lately, and though everyone is suffering because of his mood swings, Jonghyun always gets the worse end of that stick.

There were days wherein he would drop the call on Jonghyun when the older man rejects him on trying to do this sexts, and of course the time that he interrogated Jonghyun (after he found out that trainees are crushing over him) which sadly, led to them fighting—he doesn’t even know why he won’t stop instigating a fight that night when all Jonghyun did was to calm him and pacify his ‘green-eyed-monster’ persona. “I just really miss you.” 

“I know.” Jonghyun answers with a fond sigh, and he knows he’s forgiven. “I miss you too, you know, I miss you so much that I always end up zoning out, thinking of you on Agent Yoon’s lecture.” 

Minhyun laughs at that. He remembers how the ex-retired Agent Yoon, who’s now back as a lecturer in the Secret Service Boot Camp, called him one day complaining that all Jonghyun does in his lectures is to stare at the window and mumble his name with a longing sigh. 

It was cute though. The green-eyed-monster within him calmed down (a bit) after that. 

“Just don’t wear those white T-shirts of yours, I don’t want another trainee of yours staring at your chest.” 

“Oops, too late.” 

“Jonghyun.” He warns and Jonghyun laughs on the line. 

“What are you wearing, Hyun-ah?” Jonghyun asks, changing the topic and he grunts, “I’m serious, I want to know. You know, ‘to set the _mood’.”_

“Fine,” he sighs, “I’m wearing the Squirtle onesies you bought me,” he hears Jonghyun hum in approval and a mischievous smile forms on his lips, “and nothing underneath.” 

“You know how to play your cards tonight.” Jonghyun muses, and he hears a hint of mischief in his voice.

“Of course,” he grins proudly, “I learned from the best, after all.” 

“I’m glad,” Jonghyun drawled, voice smooth and at the same time, dark. “Play _SUD’s Smilky_ from the playlist that I just sent you, Minhyun-ah.” Jonghyun orders and he immediately obeys, taking his iPad and playing the song. 

As soon as the songs starts, he already knows that this is the exact song that he’s looking for. 

“ _Perfect._ ” Minhyun mumbles, closing his eyes, enjoying and immersing himself on the seductive beats of the song as the vocalist starts singing. Doing this, he doesn’t notice that his door opened, and that someone is staring at him with longing and fondness in his eyes. 

“I know.” he hears Jonghyun softly say, not realizing that it’s no longer from the call. 

It’s when he feels a warm pair of lips on his lips when he realizes that he’s not alone, and that Jonghyun is really next to him.

“Fuck,” he curses, staring at Jonghyun in surprise. Instead of his usual mischievous chuckle, Jonghyun dips down and kisses him on the lips once more.

“Told you to stop cursing, Hyun-ah.” Jonghyun reprimands against his lips, biting it before moving towards his cheek, to his jaw.

“Shit, wait,” he pushes Jonghyun off and stares at him, “when did you arrive?” 

“An hour ago.” Jonghyun whispered, before dipping down and placing light kisses on his neck. 

“And you didn’t bother to tell me?” He asks, annoyed yet again. Jonghyun, hearing the annoyance in his voice, sighs, places a peck on his lips before flicking him on the forehead. 

“You’re doing it again.” Jonghyun reprimands, propping his chin on his hand and staring at him disappointedly.

“Because you didn’t tell me.” 

“I wanted to surprise you.” Jonghyun explains, caressing his cheek, “I came here as soon as I arrived, but you were busy and taking your oh-so-sweet time in bathing, so I left, and decided to just take mine too.” 

He stares at Jonghyun, and notices that he really did just came out of the bath, his hair still damp, cheeks a little flushed, and of course, his favorite scent in the world—Jonghyun’s soap. 

“You should have joined me instead.” Minhyun says with a pout. Jonghyun replies with a snort, before lying on his side and pulling him in his embrace.

“I really missed you,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on Jonghyun’s cheek before hugging him tight as he revel in the mix scents of cedar and vanilla along with Jonghyun’s scent that he missed so much.

“I missed you too, Hyun-ah,” Jonghyun murmurs, pulling away slightly, and kissing him on his forehead, then on his eyelids, and at the tip of his nose. “but I wish you would stop looking at me like you’re going to devour me any minute.” Jonghyun chuckles, gently flicking his pouting lips. 

“But what if I want to..?” He asks mischievously, and Jonghyun snickers then shakes his head.

“Sorry, but not tonight.” Jonghyun answers and he groans. 

“But I’m wearing your favorite Squirtle onesies!” 

“And it looks good on you, love.” Jonghyun replies, placing a peck on his cheek before sitting up and reaching for his hand. He pouts at the older man, and Jonghyun kisses him on the lips and stands. 

“I’ve brought you your favorite cake and wine.” Jonghyun dismissively says, taking his hand and urging for him to stand. 

“I want you, Jonghyun, not _that_.” 

“And I promise you’ll have _me_ one day.” Jonghyun assures, kissing him on the forehead like a parent calming his tantrum-throwing son. 

“And when is that?” He asks, giving up and walking along with Jonghyun. 

“Hmmm… after six more months?” 

He halts in his steps and glares at Jonghyun, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“I’m not.” Jonghyun grins and pulls him to walk again.

When they reached the mini dining table of his suite in the Blue House, Jonghyun sits him on the chair and takes a seat across from him. The older man then passes him his cake and a glass of wine and chooses another song from his iPad. After a few beats, the room is filled with _Vacation Manor’s Midnight Version of A Toast and a Spirit.  
_

_One of their songs._

_Of course, it wouldn’t be Jonghyun if he’s not thorough._

Minhyun tries his best not to smile at that and instead, picks on his cake. 

“You know, I would really appreciate this romantic candle-lit dinner more if you’ll just give in.” He grumbles, taking a bite of the cake. 

“You’ve survived eight months with me with your virginity intact, Hyun-ah, I’m sure you’ll survive another six months.” Jonghyun reminds, wiping the chocolate cake that got on his lips. 

“Did I tell you how much I hate you?” 

Jonghyun chuckles and caresses his cheek, “I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> A big shout-out of gratitude to [KimPotato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimpotato/pseuds/kimpotato) for proof-reading this, and laughing so hard and giving me the needed boost ❤️ and to [Jju_nyaaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jju_nyaa/pseuds/jju_nyaa) who inspired me and gave me the writing juice due to her super-kilig-fluff-and-rainbows-and-unicorns update of GG.
> 
> I love you both ❤️


End file.
